I am not happy

I am not happy.

I wish I could say "just kidding" after I said I am not happy. But it's true I am not happy. Not all the time at least. I am happy when my son, Raven, is being sweet and showing off his good sides. But when he is being a threenager, I get upset and not happy. I am happy when my husband is all nice and loving, but when he snaps at me just a little bit, I feel unloved and not happy. I am happy when things go my way, but when challenges and troubles come, I panic and become not happy.

Sometimes I even turn unhappy when I see other people's social media feed. Why do they look so happy? Why is it not me? Even though I know the fact that social media feed is carefully selected by their owners to show what they want to the world to see, I still fall into the trap. *sigh*

So, this Good Friday morning, I remember the word joy and look up real quick in the google: happiness versus joy.



I do not immediately believe what that website says (because it says psychologies, and because I'm generally skeptical), and because The Bible does not differentiate joy and happiness.

But it opens my eyes to some extent. The thing is, I realize that my happiness depends on what happens outside of me. Because I cannot control what happens outside of me, my happiness comes and goes. And being happy and unhappy at the speed of a roller coaster makes me even unhappy. The happiness feels fake because I know that it won't last. Even when things around me makes me happy, I am skeptical toward my own happiness. I know that in a matter of hours, something will go wrong and I'll become unhappy again.

Unhappiness is bitter. And it sure makes me a bitter person. I started to blame others for my unhappiness. And I started to ask and beg my loved ones to love me more, so I can be happy. It does not work. It feels like they do not care if I am happy or not. It feels like they do not even try.

So I have to be happy myself, without anyone's help. After all, they say that true happiness comes from within (but this is so "new age", and I know that it is somehow wrong). So I started to do the things I love, to love and pamper myself more. It's the same. It creates happiness, for a while. And then other things make me unhappy, again. It does not work.

So, what to do?

I've known this all along, actually. True happiness and joy comes only from God, because
the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13, NIV)
And there are so many more verses that talk about joy and happiness in the Lord.

So actually I am such a fool to run around searching for happiness when joy and happiness are already given to me, by His work of salvation. I just need to look inside and rebuild the neglected relationship with my Lord.

Have a blessed Good Friday.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Today the universe conspires to teach me how to forgive

Image
Just kidding. I'm not converting to cosmic humanism. It is just God who conspires to make all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Yesterday evening I discussed about forgiveness with my husband. Forgiveness is not easy, everyone who holds a grudge against someone knows this. But I find it particularly hard because I do not know how to do it. I mean, I've read and heard the theories of forgiveness. I know that if you do not want to forgive, you actually make yourself bitter. I like this one forgiveness quote in particular, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." Powerful, right? Today Facebook (and Ega) even reminded me about forgiveness, from 10 years ago. This is starting to be freakish. Yesterday I contemplated about forgiveness, and now today this. Okay, I know why forgiving someone is important, along with all the benefits. But the problem i
Read more

Hydration Obsession: The 7 Skin Method

Image
I am not into Korean drama. I am not into Korean music. I am not into Korean food. I just don't understand what the hype is all about. But I have to admit that I am into Korean skincare. I am always a fan of Japanese skincare. I just think that they suit my skin better than Western skincare. But, oh boy, Japanese stuffs can be so expensive sometimes. So when Korean skincare started to hit the worldwide market, and after I've tried a couple of them, I jumped into the bandwagon. I'm sold. My skincare arsenal does not consist of all Korean, though. There are still some Japanese and Western stuffs that I use. Anyway, two of my most favorite things in Korean skincare are First Essence (or sometimes called as First Serum) and Hydrating Toner. I find them most comfortable to use on my combination skin because they are hydrating, but only lightly so my skin does not feel tacky or oily. But they are not hydrating enough so I have to follow up with serum and emulsion, and cream a
Read more

He's Got the Whole World (and My World) In His Hand

Image
Inspired by In Touch Ministries ' Daily Devotion that came into my email this morning (and also inspired by the problems that have been revolving around my life lately :p), I thought I'll write this as a reminder for myself, and for others, too. Daniel 2:20-22 (NASB) “Let the name of God be blessed forever and ever, For wisdom and power belong to Him. “It is He who changes the times and the epochs; He removes kings and establishes kings; He gives wisdom to wise men And knowledge to men of understanding. “It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness, And the light dwells with Him. With ongoing world events, the future of this world appears to be in the hands of nations' rulers and government. But notice that the Lord is the one who “removes kings and establishes kings” (Dan. 2:21). So every leader is put into office not by the people, not by their power, not by their wicked schemes, but by the hand of God. But how about
Read more