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I am not happy

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I am not happy.

I wish I could say "just kidding" after I said I am not happy. But it's true I am not happy. Not all the time at least. I am happy when my son, Raven, is being sweet and showing off his good sides. But when he is being a threenager, I get upset and not happy. I am happy when my husband is all nice and loving, but when he snaps at me just a little bit, I feel unloved and not happy. I am happy when things go my way, but when challenges and troubles come, I panic and become not happy.

Sometimes I even turn unhappy when I see other people's social media feed. Why do they look so happy? Why is it not me? Even though I know the fact that social media feed is carefully selected by their owners to show what they want to the world to see, I still fall into the trap. *sigh*

So, this Good Friday morning, I remember the word joy and look up real quick in the google: happiness versus joy.



I do not immediately believe what that website says (because it says psychol…

An unexpectedly expected blessing

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This is unexpectedly expected.

After I had my first baby at the end of 2014, I haven't used any birth control methods. The reason is because I have a PCO syndrome, so we chose to let chances of pregnancy open because it is not easy for me to get pregnant.

One evening of early July 2017 out of nowhere my husband asked me to do a pregnancy test. I was too comfortable at the thought that a second pregnancy is a fairy tale for me, so I was like, "What?" but I did it anyway the next morning. And those two stripes of red appeared.

Oh, wow.

Thank you, God.

I am now 8 week pregnant and boy, I did not remember having this morning all day (mild) sickness when I had my first child (but then again, my memory is not really reliable). My doctor was delighted when I complained to him. Nausea shows a good pregnancy, that's his motto. I'm trying not to complain a lot, anywho, because pregnancy is a blessings, isn't it :)

Well, now this is a chance to do some things that I wis…

Hydration Obsession: The 7 Skin Method

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I am not into Korean drama. I am not into Korean music. I am not into Korean food. I just don't understand what the hype is all about. But I have to admit that I am into Korean skincare.

I am always a fan of Japanese skincare. I just think that they suit my skin better than Western skincare. But, oh boy, Japanese stuffs can be so expensive sometimes. So when Korean skincare started to hit the worldwide market, and after I've tried a couple of them, I jumped into the bandwagon. I'm sold. My skincare arsenal does not consist of all Korean, though. There are still some Japanese and Western stuffs that I use.

Anyway, two of my most favorite things in Korean skincare are First Essence (or sometimes called as First Serum) and Hydrating Toner. I find them most comfortable to use on my combination skin because they are hydrating, but only lightly so my skin does not feel tacky or oily. But they are not hydrating enough so I have to follow up with serum and emulsion, and cream at n…

Big Dogs Don't Bark

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I've been on a translation project these couple of months. The book that I'm translating is a guide book to teach characters for at-risk teenagers. It was an interesting book, full of life skills that even adults need.

A couple of chapters talk about anger management issues, and I felt like the book is speaking a lot of truths about anger. Some of them are:
Anger often is an expression that hides other strong emotion, such as fear, shame, embarrassment, or frustration. We use anger to protect ourselves from pain or humiliation. Unfortunately, often that results in causing pain and humiliating the people closest to us.Being around angry people is difficult. And it causes us to be angry people, too.  Oh, the book lists some things to do when you're around an angry person, such as keep treating him/her with kindness, be patient, giving soft answers, accepting that you cannot control the person's anger. I think only saints can do these things. LOL.
And there are some choice…

Saya Ingat Dulu Saya Menulis

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Saya ingat dulu saya menulis. Di blog milik friendster. Yang sekarang sudah lenyap. Saya dulu menulis apa saja yang terlintas di pikiran. Saya ingat dulu tulisan-tulisan random tidak jelas agak ababil itu sampai menarik minat seorang teman baru. Yang mulai sering mengajak chatting. Di Yahoo Messenger. Yang sekarang hampir lenyap. Teman baru dari dunia yang sangat berbeda yang tidak akan saya kenal jika saya tidak menulis. Waktu itu saya heran sekaligus senang karena ada yang suka pada tulisan saya. Meskipun cuma seorang dia. Mungkin kami akan terus berteman, jika dia tidak meninggal duluan.

Saya ingat dulu saya menulis bersama teman-teman. Di blog imo milik Jakarta Post. Yang sekarang sudah lenyap. Judul blog kami Antara Molen, Pentol, dan Batagor. Isinya tidak jelas. Tapi kami senang. Isinya cuma sedikit. Bisa dihitung jari. Tapi ada perasaan lega.

Saya ingat dulu saya menulis. Untuk majalah gereja. Banyak kenangan di sana. Apa yang saya tulis saya tidak ingat. Tapi menulis dalam tim…

Loving Beyond Limits

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I've been subscribing to this weekly newsletter for a couple of years, but does not read it regularly. I do not normally just copy paste information to this blog, but this newsletter edition is a gem that I want to remember and be reminded of.

If you're blessed, you know what to do. Go subscribe ;) 



Loving Beyond Limits Passage: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

"Love never fails." -- 1 Corinthians 13:8

Perhaps you’ve heard someone in a failed relationship say, “We always loved each other, but we just couldn’t get along.” They may have loved much, but they didn’t know how to love well.

First Corinthians 13 is great counsel on how to love well in marriage. Loving well is the most essential ingredient for even the most spiritual people.

For one thing, loving well brings music to our words (see verse 1). In times of trouble, we can be suspicious of the things our spouse says to us. If our actions don’t show love, words of love will only clang in our hearts. But loving behavi…

How Is Motherhood?

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When my son was 2 weeks old, a friend asked me: "How is motherhood?" I told her a very short answer: "It was crazy," but I think the answer is not that simple; it needs a whole blog post to answer.

I am new to motherhood. Of course. As I'm writing this, my experience of motherhood is merely 16 days. But, oh man, I didn't sign up for this. Well, I did pray and beg for the Lord to give me a child, and He has been good. However, *sigh* the constant need of this one tiny creature baffles me. His life relies on me breastfeeding him, and he doesn't care if it's day or night. He just keeps asking for more milk.



Every time I look at him, I am frightened. I literally shudder with fright. My friends and family said that things will get better. But I cannot see the light at the end of this tunnel. I'm just trying to pass each day and night, but really, there is no passing each day. I realize that by the time morning hits, the same scenario is played all ov…