When my son was 2 weeks old, a friend asked me: "How is motherhood?" I told her a very short answer: "It was crazy," but I think the answer is not that simple; it needs a whole blog post to answer.
I am new to motherhood. Of course. As I'm writing this, my experience of motherhood is merely 16 days. But, oh man, I didn't sign up for this. Well, I did pray and beg for the Lord to give me a child, and He has been good. However, *sigh* the constant need of this one tiny creature baffles me. His life relies on me breastfeeding him, and he doesn't care if it's day or night. He just keeps asking for more milk.
Every time I look at him, I am frightened. I literally shudder with fright. My friends and family said that things will get better. But I cannot see the light at the end of this tunnel. I'm just trying to pass each day and night, but really, there is no passing each day. I realize that by the time morning hits, the same scenario is played all over again. I am exhausted and terrified.
Right now I'm just clinging onto the hope that what people say is true, that things will get better, although I don't have the slightest idea how this can change.
Motherhood knows no day off. God help me.
Written at January 10, 2015